You are young only once

Recently rekindled my passion again. I realise i have to start living for myself and stop worrying about the future and focus on what i can achieve now. All the endless worrying about the future is just making me stressed out. I became so unhappy, finding fault with myself and my life, how I will always be mediocre and never be good enough for society. But then, if i focus on the now, doing the things i want to do, the things that i can do while i’m still young, I will be much much happier. All these experiences will make me, me. Because i can safely justify that at this point in my time, my goal is to enjoy my student life and achieving what I cannot achieve when i start work for real. Having spent the a few months reflecting and trying to find myself, I have emerged with a clearer, more attainable and more realistic goal.

Reminder to self: Stay true to yourself and do what makes you happy

Feelings

Imagine a world without feelings. What if we lived like robots and went through the motion of life without having to feel? No hate, no love, no happiness, no sadness. Would life be easier? If there were no nationalistic feelings then there wouldn’t be any phenomenon of race supremacy.

But then again, what exactly counts as feelings? Because everything we do and the decisions we make are all based on feelings. Why do we have certain laws? Because we feel like that should be the morally and socially accepted norm. If anything deviates form the norm, then we feel anger, we feel a sense of injustice. Why do we follow rules and abide by the law? Because we fear the potential repercussions of physical punishment etc.

Being unable to harbour any form of feelings is probably not such a bad thing after all because feelings won’t get in the way of your life. You just follow a standard protocol in making decisions without having considerations for what others might think of you, how others might feel. You just simply do what you have to do. All these negative emotions will not be felt.

Of course, having the inability to experience any emotions also means that you can’t experience any positive feelings of love, happiness, joy etc. This is probably the saddest thing that can happen to anyone because all these positive vibes are what feeds our soul. It’s what makes this cold and cruel world slightly more bearable. With these positive emotions, we don’t see the world with a grayscale vision but we see it in colours.

I guess the nation of having no feelings is quite a scary thought to entertain since we are so used to having feelings. It’s probably what makes us human. I should probably get out of this funk I’ve been feeling lately. The fear of growing up is real. I think i’m having a quarter-life crisis. Need an island getaway soon.

Sometimes I just want to escape from life. Crawl into a hole and hide from everything and everyone. So drained from school and everything. Desperately in need of some me-time. I’m starting to lose motivation and focus in whatever I’m doing. Sometimes I feel like the way I’m living life is not how I want to live it but how society has forced me to lead life the way I’m living it right now. What exactly am I living for?

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get

I never really believed in this quote because……obviously you look at the packaging before you buy the chocolates right?! *rolls eyes*
Okay, jokes aside (although that wasn’t really a joke). I really think life is really unpredictable. When you lose something, you gain something else. When one door closes, another opens. I’m just really mindblown by everything that has unfolded since.